I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
