tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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