D3 body, D1 cock
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize