she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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