final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he thought i was a dude.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
