it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
