I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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