Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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