i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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