You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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