So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
