I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
