12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
