i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
