He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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