**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize