A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
