You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
