It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so let's talk penis.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
