You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize