My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
