can u get pink eye on your cock?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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