You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
