life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
