i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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