I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
