dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
