Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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