No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
