Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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