Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
