just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
