literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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