oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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