i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
