I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
