That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think my fart just growled at me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
