we're chasing vodka with high fives
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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