Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
