Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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