There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
