My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Vodka?
Forever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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