So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
worst night to have a conscience
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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