His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
