uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
