Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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