you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
