you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
