I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
