Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
