my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
