you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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