im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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