I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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