At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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