I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize