The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
