We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
