Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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