i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
