The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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