That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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