thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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