I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
