hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
