so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
