my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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