you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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