We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
